Well I guess this is growing up...

Great news! Audrey and I have a brother who will sign our lease and make the move in one week a reality!!! I am so very excited to have some actual concrete news as I have been packing my apartment but existing in complete limbo as to what final destination the moving truck would have.

However, as with all of life, it was not long before tears followed joy. I called my family members (three calls) to let them know what was going on, and rather than being excited, they say the most negative aspects. They even went out of their way to speak in hypothetical worst-case scenario. So, after much frustration and a few tears (well, it is my last day in San Diego...), I got of the phone and vented to a roommate and two friends. Audrey, M, and E were all exceptionally understanding and encouraging. I was most touched by E's comment: "So them causing that much drama for you is their way of saying that we can hardly bare to see you settle so far away because we love you so much and will miss you."

After an appropriate "awww," I agreed and then thanked God for such an amazing friend...who, for the record, will be an amazing husband to some fantastic girl---someday!

After years of trying to do everything right and be all that I could be, I have truly hit the breaking point of pleasing all of the family all of the time. I am not forgoing good counsel or refusing to ever call again, but I can no longer live based on the decisions of everyone else for my life. Thanks Audrey for helping me to see this clearly.

While I don't entirely agree with the entire sentiment of "Damn the man, save the empire," I am most certainly feeling these words today.

Truth

Yesterday my favorite roommate and I talked all day long; and we did quite a bit of packing too. I usually love my conversations with M, but yesterday she saddened me.

You see, M has very different opinions on the world, which is fine, and makes for excellent conversation with more honesty than most of my friends will speak with. However, I often have to remind myself that she is still just 21, and has so much to learn. I think we could hardly be more different, but even that is ok. What really got to me is that she is now questioning everything she believes. I know that each person must go through this time, but to send her off to San Fran. with no support system while she already believes that religion is all just a political tool and that there is no real relationship with God, but all an imagined crutch. Yes, I did ask if she had been reading Marx again. The saddest part is that she is headed for a career that demands she not follow anyone else's path for her life. She has given up whatever she once believed about God, and chalked it up to the fact that it was a step taken in a culture of Christians during a difficult time in her life.

This all began because, as previously mentioned, we both watched Seven Years in Tibet (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0120102/) which, of course, sparked a discussion of religion. I cannot understand how she will reconcile her different opinions short of becoming a true atheist, which is a religion all its own. It certainly would fit both her political aspirations as well as her unresolved issues from her past. She now stands with the crowd that espouse the impossibility of there ever being any absolute truth. I am by no means giving up, but I am just a trifle worried about her. I pray that someday she will know, completely know the Author of Truth, and be willing to discover what He has to say about her life.

Education

For once, I have something on my mind besides the endless questions of moving and packing and sorting and paperwork and lease terms and income requirements and aggggg!!!!!

Yesterday I watched Seven Years in Tibet. Now I did watch it years ago when it first came out, but I chose to give it another try (for the record, it is still amazingly slow and yes, it is still three hours of Brad trying to make his world better, and yes like most of his movies, he does cry). But the thing that struck me is how much more I was able to appreciate the underlying themes. Before attending my zillion classes which were to have made me such a better scholar, I didn't understand the cultural and spiritual references in most movies, let alone the political implications. Even though I grew up in a highly educated, political discussion type family, the fact is that I still didn't really get it. Perhaps it is the blond roots, but I am able to gain ever so much more since my time in endless classes and papers. I especially miss the discussions with my tree-hugging philosophy prof and my early-rising, tender-hearted, truly amazing history friend. Maybe later I will be able to get back in touch to remind them how much they influenced so many lives.

Friends...

I want to take just a moment to thank all of my dear friends who have been with me over the years. Today, while sitting on my couch talking to my former roommates, current roommate, and good friends, I was suddenly hit with the harsh reality that I am leaving in two weeks. Now it isn't like I hadn't thought of this yet, just that it hadn't really set in that I would not be anywhere near the place or people with which I spent the last five years of my life, or even those with whom the first 20 were spent...

So here's to good friends; those that have made me laugh, those that can make me cry, those that hold me when I need help, and those that have the guts to call me out when I need it. I will miss you dearly, can't wait to hang out on visits. Here's to new friends I have yet to make, and great times I will never forget on both ends of this amazing state.

Oh, yah, and here's to my favorite place...truly America's Finest City:

Faith

So... All of life is constantly changing. I have learned so much about faith and reliance in the past few weeks, even as someone who can give great advice about trusting God. I really am saddened that it takes no other options before we are generally willing to release our futures to an all-powerful and all-caring Creator.

Either way, here I am...trusting and stepping out in faith. It is the scaryest thing I have done in quite some time, but I am moving again! And, to top it off, I just found out yesterday that we will not have the benefit of lower income from a third roommate. K did not feel it was right at this time, so we totally agreed that she will find her own way following God's perfect path for her next step. However, that leaves Audrey and myself with a large rent and little income. Not that we can't make it work, we arn't foolish, but it will certainly be tight for a while till we can pay off some of our debts and then see where we are.

That is where this whole faith thing comes in. You see, for a while I was fine with trusting and not knowing what was coming next. Then I got sick, and began to sulk and went deep into depression. Then I was fine and myself again. Last night, when I found out about K, I sort of freaked for about 24 hours and was trying every which way to crunch the numbers and find a way to make it work without moving back to my parent's home for a while. I could save thousands if I returned to my hometown of LV for five months. So after exactly a day of pure worry (the real, can't think about eating or listen to a good friend tell a story kind), I made up my mind. Just because it will be tough does not mean it is not right.

I now am finalizing and packing, moving in 17 days! Please pray for my sanity, and especially for my job situation. I really do need to get started working just as soon as I can. Of course, I someone wanted to hire me last minute for a real position, I wouldn't complain either...

Change

I know it has been a while since I have even bothered to open this, but here is the reason...I am moving in just 3 weeks! I have been up in the air with just about every area of my life. My finances, my new job situation, my housing situation, etc. However, we very nearly have everything set. That is to say, we now have an apartment being held until the moving date of July 30th. For what its worth, it looks like this:



It has two bedrooms, 1.5 bath, and is a townhouse. The complex is very safe. We will live in number 42.

There is just one little hitch. On paper, I do not make enough money to cover the proper amount of 3x the monthly rent. Now I did explain that I just finished student teaching and all, but alas, they care not. So here is what I am asking you to pray for (we have a few options):
1. Katie decides that she would like to live with us (which would also bring down the cost of rent)
2. Jenna gets hired in the next few weeks with City Hall
3. I receive a sudden invitation to teach full time
4. We can pull together the resources to knock over a bank and score six months worth of rent, which, for the record, is about $6,000!
5. Jenna's dad agrees to help us by loaning the money (which would certainly have less legal entrapments than option 4)

So there it is. Now all we need is to sit back and see how God will provide for us. I am not speaking foolishly here; God has directed every step of the way and I have amazing peace that He will show his power now as well (you all know I do not deal well with change, especially when I have no idea what is coming next and I am totally out of control). I am blessed with joy and excitement as well. We shall see...