Be

I am so happy to be in a place in my life where I am just me. For so long I spent time trying to be other places, other people, or other forms of good. But right now I get the opportunity to just be.

Beside my sister there was an enormous shadow of hopes and expectations. For my parents it was not ever about what you chose to do for a living or where you chose to live but more about living a moral lifestyle, not an easy task for someone who always manages to choose the hard way of life's lessons. Having spent years in the shadow of someone who seemed to set the bar of those expectations, it is just now that I am able to be seen by my family aside from her. It was not easy to have such a wonderful sister, she had the friends, the suitors (yes I used that word), and the admiration of all who came in contact with her, including myself.

I was just sharing with Audrey about a particularly bad day in the park at sixteen when I broke down sobbing as someone attempted to tell me that "it would be ok, people would love me for who I was so I should just be myself". The comeback was a bit louder and more tear soaked that I intended, but it so eloquently erupted something like, "That's great! If I knew who I was I would know where to start!" At which time I was politely ushered into a smaller corner of the public area to finish my sobbing. It was not until that day the my sister had any idea how much I had been affected by her.

I am so glad that 11 years later we have such a great friendship. I treasure her so much. Even more so, I am grateful for the ability of one friend to turn on the light and show that the shadow need not be feared; to show me in fact, that in my own light, no other shadow existed. Thank you, without you I still wouldn't know.