Existing

Some days are wonderful and some are tragic. Life for today feels only in the middle. Someone asked me today when was the last time I cried, then they asked when is the last time I laughed. Sadly, it has been a while since either. I have been wondering around in pure existence. Neither good nor bad emotions of any strength have recently dominated my world.

As I break it down, I realize that it mainly stems from my whole world being up in the air. I have, after serious and constant mental gymnastics, decided to relocate to Woodland, CA (just outside Sac.). This was one of the most difficult decisions I have made in recent years. Not only will I be leaving my favorite city, and the ocean that has the power to calm me, but I will also be moving further from my family in LA area and quite far from my SD friends and adopted family. The most difficult part is that I still don't know exactly where I will be living or working. The apartment and moving dates are completely undetermined, thereby sending this compulsive control freak into a very strange place.

I believe the only thing that has kept me sane in recent days it to completly detatch from all daily decisions and bothersome emotions. Hopefully I can soon return to being myself, as this constant bleh feeling is simply not me. Deep laughter will be my first indication of my own personality returning, which I am looking forward to any day now...